昨天晚上因为时间限制及其它因素,我们这个节目演地不够圆满, 因此我把全部台词发表在这里,请大家欣赏并指正。
However, John and I both had a fabulous time, and we want to thank Atlanta168 for this fantastic opportunity and for providing such a great platform for our community.
After the performance, Mr. Bethea and his family felt particularly proud of his (so far hidden) ability to let loose and make fun of himself on stage, entertaining a crowd of hundreds mostly from different cultures than his own. This is especially remarkable because we only had about 15 minutes rehearsal in the car park just before the show!
谢谢
李保成
九窍生风 - The Nine Orifices
Starring:
阿保 - Arbao
as 阿宝 (Abao) - the young pop sensation, and
张博赛 - John Bethea
as his much victimized apprentice of a brutal vocal training regime, for 8 long years ...
______________________
A: {solemnly and professionally} Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to show you how to sing 陕北民歌 -山丹丹开花红艳艳, like the real 星光大道上的原生态歌手 - 阿宝。
J: {like a teenage girl asking for permission for her first date} Oh yeah, and I am going to help you, may I? Please, please, Master Arbao.
A: Of course. Ladies and gentlemen, please give up for my apprentice, the uniquely talented, the breathtakingly handsome, the one and only, John Bethea 张博赛!
J: Thank you, Master Arbao. Now you are making me blush.
A: 原生态 literally translates as "the original state", and in this context it means the voice or vocal talent that we are all born with - raw, untrained, unpolished, unwashed, uncooked, or uncivilized.
J: Do you mean to sing like a baby sucking mother's milk?
A: 哎呀, 好徒弟。要用尽吃奶的力气来唱。I will also expose the secrets and the techniques with a revolutionary and groundbreaking scientific theory, "on this day, in this election, at this defining moment".
J: Ha, that almost sounds like Obama's acceptance speech!
A: I do have hidden political ambition. Now, let me sing the song first.
Arbao then sings the song, and explains The Nine Orifices theory, in a mixture of Chinese and English.
J: Wow, awesome! Can I have a go? I am ready to impress people!
A: Sure. Remember, the trick to sing like 阿宝 is to mobilize all your 9 bodily orifices - 7 on your head and 2 down there in your pants.
J: Yeah, you just have to open them wide simultaneously as you breath in, and squeeze them hard when breath out.
A: Exactly, and the keyword here is "simultaneously".
J: Yes, that's the kicker, and I still have trouble with it.
A: John, you have toiled and moiled with me for 8 years now, right?
J: Yes, Master Arbao, time does fly like an arrow. Gosh, does that mean I am already 18?
A: Stop it, Johnny. Do you seriously think you can fool any of these pretty ladies?
J: Well, it's worth trying sometimes. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
A: But how many songs have you mastered so far?
J: One, perhaps?
A: No, half, PER-HAPS, and that's a huge accomplishment, for someone who speaks little Chinese. You know, we won the Japanese war in 8 years, but evidently the Japanese Imperial army was far easier to conquer than the song!
J: Oh my god, I did not realize that.
A: According to the latest scientific study, it takes 10 thousand hours of practice to be a master of any field, which is about 10 years, just like what we Chinese have been saying for thousands of years - 十年寒窗苦。
J: Chinese people are smart, and I have a Chinese wife, so I am no fool myself.
A: You just need to hang in there awhile longer and learn to regulate the last few holes.
J: But it's real hard, Master Arbao. So far, I can mange 8 of them simultaneously, but the last one is a tough nut to crack.
A: Which one? You mean the big hole?
J: No, not just the asshole or any particular hole. I can handle any individual orifice easily, but the problem is that when I try to squeeze all at once, one of them would always break loose and leak air.
A: Okay, let's have some practices.
John then tries to sing like Abao, again and again ...
J: Oh man, this is hard.
A: Don't despair, my young apprentice. Maybe you need some physical help. Can we have a few musclemen?
At this point, a couple of guys from the audience come on stage to help John plugging the leaking holes, and the dialogues become more spontaneous.